The generality of Christmas-keepers observe that festival after such a manner as is highly dishonourable to the name of Christ. How few are there comparatively that spend those holidays (as they are called) after an holy manner. But they are consumed in Compotations, in Interludes, in playing at Cards, in Revellings, in excess of Wine, in mad Mirthâ€¦
— Increase Mather, 1687
Now that the turkey carcass has been stripped clean, it’s officially the season for waffle-iron riots and fruitcake, for Salvation Army bellringers at the mall and forÂ pepper spray at the Walmart, the time of year that’s the dominion of ugly sweaters and store-brand eggnog.
I can’t do a damn thing about softening our holiday-season hysteria, or the impending extinction of civility and good taste. But the crappy eggnog? That, at least, I can fix.
As tempting as it might be to simply set up rounds of Horny Ho Ho Mojitos, Noel’s Nooners and Candy Cane Martinis (by the way: I didn’t make up any of those things) on the bar and simply blast away at them with a candy-striped baseball bat, I’m more of the civilized (not to mention, clumsy) type, so I’ll take a bit of a different approach — in essence, my goal is to use the best of both classic and contemporary holiday cocktails to swamp the boat of horrible drinks that make the rounds at this time each year, so nobody (including me) has to go to a holiday party and endure being served a Christmas Cosmo or a Grinch (Midori, lemon, sugar — again, not making this up) ever again.
Plus, I’ll cover some of the history of holiday drinking (short synopsis: even the most boisterous of today’s Santarchy cells pale in comparison to the wassail mobs of Christmas past), and look at how what we drink and how we drink over the holidays has changed over the centuries.
And, in case you were wondering: we’ll be serving drinks! There will be rum, and brandy, and fire….
There’ll be two opportunities to catch the session: Saturday, December 10, from 1:30pm to 3:00pm at Rob Roy in Seattle; and Sunday, December 11, 1:30pm – 3:00pm, also at Rob Roy.
Plan ahead! Advance reservations are required. The price for each session is $75; to reserve a spot, visit SwigWell and provide your details.